U.S. Election 2020: "It's all a joke."

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CWS
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U.S. Election 2020: "It's all a joke."

Post by CWS »

So, you might not have heard about this, but there's another big presidential election here in the U.S. this November. Unfortunately, it looks like our choices will once again boil down to:
  • More Of The Same
    -or-
  • Even Worse
This is a particularly raw deal because, as you may also not be aware, the country is currently in a bad way. (And that may be the single greatest understatement on this entire website.) First, an outbreak of a virus from China threw the country into a panic and prompted the government to destroy our economy, which caused more than forty-four million people to lose their jobs and decimated countless industries. Then the same government decided to spend several trillion dollars to try to compensate, because if there's one thing the country needs, it's more debt. Then, a video came out showing a police officer in Minneapolis kneeling on the neck of a man who subsequently died, and a bunch of people across the country decided that the best response to this was to burn down their cities, loot and destroy local businesses, and physically assault and/or murder a bunch of people who had nothing to do with the incident everyone was supposedly so enraged about. A lot of people also decided to tear down, vandalize or otherwise deface countless historic monuments to everyone from the nation's Founders, to President Abraham Lincoln, to Frederick Douglass, many of which had stood for decades or even centuries. People in several cities also decided to claim parts of those cities for themselves and set up so-called "autonomous zones", complete with armed checkpoints, which they declared to be their own sovereign nations. Most of those have finally been broken up, but several of them were allowed to stand for several weeks.

This has all been allowed to go on, to a greater or lesser extent, for nearly two and a half months, and counting. One almost gets the impression that the country is suffering from a complete and utter lack of leadership.

And to add insult to injury, come November, we will in all likelihood be asked to choose between President Donald Trump, who I am beginning to seriously think does not even want a second term in office, and former Vice President Joe Biden, who, depending on the time of day, may not even be aware that he's running for President.

This is why I began this post by quoting The Comedian, from Watchmen: because it's all a joke.

So, instead of putting up my usual serious election-year thread, I have decided this year to treat this as what it is. So here's what we're going to do. Rather than hold a limited debate and/or poll featuring the candidates who are actually running, I say we instead pitch our own. Everyone is invited to contribute to this, and be as serious about it as you wish, or go as nuts as you want to. Propose any candidate you want, and make a case for them. And I mean any candidate; historical figures, alive or dead, or even fictional characters are all fair game. Thomas Jefferson, Steve Rogers, Megatron, or Commander Shepard would all be valid and acceptable options.

I'll add my own proposal in a subsequent reply.
Last edited by CWS on Fri Aug 07, 2020 12:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: I figure everyone already remembers that Biden was Obama's VP, but just in case anyone doesn't...
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Re: U.S. Election 2020: "It's all a joke."

Post by snowman1989 »

CWS wrote:[First, an outbreak of a virus from China threw the country into a panic and prompted the government to destroy our economy, which caused more than forty-four million people to lose their jobs and decimated countless industries. Then the same government decided to spend several trillion dollars to try to compensate, because if there's one thing the country needs, it's more debt.
I think the problem here is less about spending money, which is something you WANT to do during a major crisis as the government is the spender of last resort. The issue is the money went to the corporations and the super rich rather than the ones who actually needed it: EVERYONE ELSE. Over here, everyone was confined to their homes, and nobody was allowed to work except essential services like supermarkets (where I worked for the entirety of the lockdown), doctors, petrol stations, emergency services... and that was about it, baring a few exceptions. The government broke open the piggy bank and started giving businesses money to pay their workers and keep them in their jobs until the lockdown was over. THAT is what the US should have done. That way, you may not avoid a recession, but you will stop it from getting far, far worse.
CWS wrote:Then, a video came out showing a police officer in Minneapolis kneeling on the neck of a man who subsequently died, and a bunch of people across the country decided that the best response to this was to burn down their cities, loot and destroy local businesses, and physically assault and/or murder a bunch of people who had nothing to do with the incident everyone was supposedly so enraged about.
The majority of the protests I've seen on the news and online have been peaceful, while the US military seems to actively try to agitate them with tear gas, rubber bullets and armed thuggery.
CWS wrote:So, instead of putting up my usual serious election-year thread, I have decided this year to treat this as what it is. So here's what we're going to do. Rather than hold a limited debate and/or poll featuring the candidates who are actually running, I say we instead pitch our own. Everyone is invited to contribute to this, and be as serious about it as you wish, or go as nuts as you want to. Propose any candidate you want, and make a case for them. And I mean any candidate; historical figures, alive or dead, or even fictional characters are all fair game. Thomas Jefferson, Steve Rogers, Megatron, or Commander Shepard would all be valid and acceptable options.
The US isn't a democracy. I believe you said this to me before with the underlying assumption that this was a good thing. Where's that positivity? Isn't this what you wanted?

I'd advocate for someone, but I'm an outsider, so that immediately disqualifies me from contributing in my view. Besides, I reckon it's too late to get a new captain to steer the USS Titanic away from the iceberg. You've already hit it.

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Re: U.S. Election 2020: "It's all a joke."

Post by CWS »

snowman1989 wrote:
Thu Aug 06, 2020 11:14 pm
The majority of the protests I've seen on the news and online have been peaceful, while the US military seems to actively try to agitate them with tear gas, rubber bullets and armed thuggery.
That might be the majority of what you've seen, and I'm sure there have been some of those. Probably. But the reality has included a whole hell of a lot of, well, not-peaceful. Dozens of people don't end up dead as a result of "peaceful" protests, and that was before the police ever got involved. Oh, and the military didn't step in until after they'd been allowed to run rampant and see the streets descend into a state of total anarchy for nearly two months.
snowman1989 wrote:The US isn't a democracy. I believe you said this to me before with the underlying assumption that this was a good thing. Where's that positivity? Isn't this what you wanted?
Har de har. Hilarious.
snowman1989 wrote:I'd advocate for someone, but I'm an outsider, so that immediately disqualifies me from contributing in my view. Besides, I reckon it's too late to get a new captain to steer the USS Titanic away from the iceberg. You've already hit it.
See, that's my whole point. There is no possible "win" here, the only prospects on the horizon are Bad and Worse. So I've basically arrived at the point where I have to either find a way to laugh about it, or blow my brains out. I'm choosing to do the former, I explicitly invited you to join in, and since the whole thing is a joke anyway, all the rules are out the window, regardless.

Hell, this is already a lot more serious than I wanted it to be. I suppose that's what I get.
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Re: U.S. Election 2020: "It's all a joke."

Post by The Phiend »

King Midas.
  • Headstart on becoming political royalty
  • Produces wealth without resorting to multi-tier redistribution schemes
  • Turns incompetent agencies into literal assets
  • Destabilizes rival economies with a light touch
  • Acknowledges existing movements to keep deceased persons on voter rolls
  • Supports federalism to the same extent as many US citizens
Why settle for Dumb or Dumber, when the real Gold Standard is in reach? Trust the Midas touch.
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Re: U.S. Election 2020: "It's all a joke."

Post by CWS »

The Phiend wrote:
Tue Aug 11, 2020 3:14 pm
King Midas.
  • Headstart on becoming political royalty
  • Produces wealth without resorting to multi-tier redistribution schemes
  • Turns incompetent agencies into literal assets
  • Destabilizes rival economies with a light touch
  • Acknowledges existing movements to keep deceased persons on voter rolls
  • Supports federalism to the same extent as many US citizens
Why settle for Dumb or Dumber, when the real Gold Standard is in reach? Trust the Midas touch.
Now that is what I'm talking about! :rbg:

Also, crap. I forgot to add my own promised endorsement, didn't I? :oops: Better fix that...
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Re: U.S. Election 2020: "It's all a joke."

Post by CWS »

So, to recap the year thus far: the country is tearing itself apart, 44 million+ jobs have been lost, the debt is higher than ever (and all the politicians are like "Nah, it'll be fine!"), the Federal Reserve has declared a currency shortage, crime is at record levels and many major US cities have looked like Gotham City in Arkham Knight after dark for nearly three months, and the nation has spent nearly the entire year so far huddled in mortal fear of a virus that kills very few people under the age of 70. And it looks like the only choices on the ballot are going to be the man who presided over all of this, or another man who literally can't remember what year it is. So, being left with no other alternatives, I think it is time, as the saying goes in military circles, to fully "embrace the suck".

Four years ago, when faced with similar prospects of electoral Armageddon, many American voters pinned their final hopes on "SMOD": the Sweet Meteor of Death. That is to say, they prayed that the Second (or Third?) Impact would deliver them from such an awful choice at the ballot box, and possibly cleanse the planet of life as a free bonus.

Well, if 2016 taught us anything, it is that non-living extra-planetary objects are completely unreliable. SMOD let us all down when we needed it most. So I say, it is time to look elsewhere. It is time for us to place our hopes in someone who has a long and proven track record of destruction and devastation, and on a scale that few others can even approach, let alone match. It is time, my friends...for The Nuclear Option.

GODZILLA/MOTHRA 2020

This ticket would bring more than a century of combined experience in urban management to the table. It would also be an historic opportunity for American voters to support their first radioactive sauropod, as well as their first insect goddess. I will detail their individual qualifications for the job at hand below.

Godzilla
  • Is a primal force of nature who subsisted in the depths of the Pacific Ocean for untold millennia, before being awakened by atomic testing in 1954
  • Has survived direct exposure to multiple nuclear detonations, cannot be hurt by most conventional weapons, and cannot be killed
  • Will probably live for at least another 20,000 years, and may not ever stop growing
  • Could probably establish a permanent state of energy independence by existing
  • Has demolished countless cities carried out many extensive urban renewal projects throughout Japan and the US, from 1954 to the present day
  • Has a long history of personal engagement with military service members and first responders
  • Can deal with hostile media outlets without endlessly whining about them on Twitter
  • Is willing to form alliances with former enemies
  • Has consistently opposed illegal aliens (such as King Ghidorah and Gigan) since 1964
  • Is a single parent through adoption, and is popular with children
  • Understands the growing threat of identity theft, having experienced it personally in 1974 and 1998
  • Has had a long and complicated relationship with humanity, but now appears to have decided that humans are...okay
Mothra
  • Has been the guardian deity of Infant Island since time immemorial
  • Has watched over and defended the entire Earth since 1961
  • As a supernatural protector of life, will go to great lengths to avoid killing, and will not hesitate to sacrifice her own life to protect others
  • If killed, will always be reborn as a new larva, ensuring permanent continuity of administration
  • Has her own dedicated PR team who speak in unison and can fit inside a small handbag
  • Defeated Godzilla in 1964
  • Has opposed illegal aliens since 1964, and convinced Godzilla (and Rodan) to adopt the same platform
  • Is popular with children
  • Believes in the need for space defense
  • Respects the dead and is vehemently opposed to their resurrection as cybernetic monstrosities
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